Stars Go Dim

Also, everyone should check out this band called Stars Go Dim. I'm really digging them. Thinking about pre-ordering their cd. They are totally my style. Chill with great lyrics.

http://www.myspace.com/starsgodim

I think that I am starting to get burnt out on school. I don't think I should have signed up for classes all summer. I think the constant stress and thinking about them is catching up with me. This current class I am taking is HARD and stressing me out a lot. I avoid thinking about it because I seriously can feel my blood pressure rise when I do. When I do think about it, it automatically makes me want to cry. I'm scared that I am wasting time and money and am going to fail this class. I need a break.

THe other thing is that I have found a happy medium the last few months. Not that I am happy, but not that I am super unhappy, like I used to be. Until lately. It's probably stress for the most part, but I am starting to feel myself fall into a bit of depression. I hate it. And I don't talk to anyone about it because I refuse to show any weakness or that anything is wrong with anyone when I am with them. I refuse to show that weakness. I wish that wasn't the way I am but it is. Many times, I find myself with friends, act happy when I am really not, and when I get home, I just want to cry for no particular reason. It's not healthy to not share things with people, but I can't. IDK why. I'm bad at talking about my feelings, refusing to ever let myself cry in front of people. Even last fall, when I was particular unhappy, when other people talked and started getting me to talk, I refused to let myself cry, despite them crying.

IDK. Most of this is just a random rant, realizing that I haven't posted in a VERY long time and that I felt like writing, as I usually do when I am down. That and listening to music, which I am also doing.

This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle
I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up
To pack up and leave town

But even so I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me

So can you lift me up?
And turn the ashes into flames
'Cause I have overcome more than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come when the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

Somewhere, everybody starts there
Counting on a small prayer
Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears

And everything that's worth having
Comes with trials worth withstanding

Oh lift me up, oh lift me up, oh lift me up
Oh lift me up, oh lift me up, oh lift me up
Down and out is overrated
I need to be elevated
Looking up is not enough
I would rather rise above

Lift Me Up by Kate Voegele

I hate making decisions. The Gateway is currently taking applications for editor positions. Scott started filling one out for me randomly, and when I caught him, I finished it. So, I'm sitting here, with the application filled out, staring at it, trying to decide if I want to push send or not. I can't decide. I have til Friday to decide but I still can't decide. I don't know what to do....

No More Kitten Woes

My mom came to visit for the weekend. We dropped by Petsmart on Saturday to check out what cats they had at the adoption center. There was a beautiful black and white cat named Daisy there that we visited with and then we left. A couple hours later, I was still thinking about this cat so we decided to go back and look into adopting her. She was so lovey and we automatically clicked, and without really thinking much more about it, I adopted her, bought her supplies, and brought her home. We then spent the night coming up with a new name, and have pretty much decided on Bella.

We've had a good time together so far. She loves to cuddle while watching tv and sleep with me at night. I took her to the vet yesterday to make sure that the ear mites she had while at the Humane Society were gone and she got a couple of shots. Today, she isn't feeling very well and doesn't want to be touched. The vet thinks she's just sore from the shots that she got and that it will go away soon. Her attitude has improved in the last couple of hours and she is starting to go back to her normal self. Yay!

Kitten Woes

This is my newest want. He's on page four of the cats/kittens. His name is Dr Pepper and currently lives at the Human Society.

People have no idea how much I want a cat. Almost to the point of crying. I miss having one to come home to and to cuddle up with randomly. And almost everyone, except my sister (who wants me to get a cat so she can visit) and my friends, think that I shouldn't get one. IDK why really. There isn't really a reason when I obviously would take care of it, pay for it, and all of that. It doesn't make sense. I just really, really, really, really want a kitty to love!

Ugh. It needs to be said.

It's so frustrating. I want to scream. Or cry. Wait, I've done that...

The whole money situation with my parents sucks. They have gotten screwed the last couple of months in every way possible. I'm scared dad will have to quit farming or they will have to sell everything. Or worse, bankruptcy.

I can't help but feel like if it weren't for certain people, that mom and dad would not be in this situation. They have screwed mom and dad in every single way. Mom and dad bought a house that they very obviously can't afford, because they found a way around them saying no, and pretty much tricked them. I can't help but wonder if they paid mom and dad back all that they owed them, that mom and dad would be okay, at least for quite a while longer. It's so frustrating. I don't know how anyone could ever be okay with completely screwing their entire family. No remorse. No effort to try to fix it. Nothing. They just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. It's getting to the point that I want nothing to do with them. Which is really sad, because aside from all of this, I have no issues with them. But for some odd reason, I have issues with people taking advantage of the people that love them, just because they can and because they fucked their own lives up and now will proceed to fuck everyone else's up.

The only way that I can see my parents even coming close to getting out of their current financial situation is to sell this house. And the duplexes. No doubt, selling the house will cause all sorts of drama and no doubt, we will probably never see a certain baby again, but maybe it's needed. Someone needs to wake the fuck up and realize what is going on and maybe give a shit for once.

Oh Gateway...

You know, I question if, when it comes down to it, if I will actually be able to handle the stress of Michelle's job. I mean, not to say that I will actually have it. That is yet to be seen. But I took on quite a bit to shoot this week, and I felt like it was taking over my life. I know it's not, but still. On Wednesday, I shot the Apollo Exhibit. Then today, I shot a press conference with the Chancellor about the Athletic Director. Which was kind of awkward for me but Tim Fitzgerald, UNO's photographer, helped me out (as usual) and had me sit next to him and shoot there with him, which is where I got some good shots. Then I went straight to softball and shot that for the first time. It was actually kinda fun and turned out fairly well for shooting most of it through the fence. And tomorrow, before Cassy and I leave for Kearney, I am shooting the Women's Walk in the morning at UNO (earlier than I get up for my classes). I was also supposed to shoot Earth Day in Elmwood but I just found out that it got postponed til next Saturday. But that has been my couple of days. Lots of shooting, which means money, but busy. I guess we'll see what happens with Michelle's job though...