Christmas feelings

As this is my blog, I feel that I should be able to put things on here without having to worry about being judged. So I will do so, partially because I feel the need to put my thoughts out here, to try to get them straightened out.

Christmas was fun until later this night. We had fun having a group effort within the family of making some broccoli salad. After doing this and fawning over Caitlin, we finally decided to open presents. We did so and had some good times, and then went over to grandma and grandpas to eat lunch. Hung out there for a bit, but then the drama began. My sister suddenly became very bitchy towards everyone, supposedly because of us making comments about how annoying the dog she was dogsitting was. After dinner, she suddenly left, without even telling anyone goodbye, including my grandma and grandpa and uncle who if from Texas. Slowly, we all made our way back home.

Later, I turned on my computer and unfortunately, immediately checked my Facebook account. I pretty much immediately saw that a guy was 'in a relationship' with one of his friends, which then prompted me to text him about it. It was apparently true and he asked my opinion of it. This continued so cause sadness and drama for us because of our history together.

Here's the thing, I don't feel like I should be upset about this. When we were ('dating?') I didn't feel like I had much butterfly type feelings for him. But as we are apart but still close friends, I find it harder to not get upset about him hanging out with certain people and wondering what is happening with him that he doesn't tell me. When I found out that he is supposedly dating this girl, who I wondered if he still liked all along, which is really why them hanging out used and somewhat still does upset me, I felt a tightness in my chest, like I couldn't breath, my hands started shaking, and I seriously felt like puking. I still do. I have cried probably five times in the last hour, for various reasons, but mostly because of this. I don't know what this means. I haven't had feelings like this before, so I don't know what they mean. Does it mean that I miss the comfort, that I like him more than I had previously thought, or that I just have an attachment from before because he was my first real kiss and all of that? I just don't know what it means and I'm so confused about it. I feel an immense sadness when I think about this, and longing for what we once had. I don't know what to do about things. It's just really upsetting and I just don't know what to do or how I feel or even how I should feel. It sucks. A lot.

Break

I have been home for a couple of days already. I haven't done too much except watch TV, decorate the Christmas Tree, and go to a Christmas party with my parent. Yes, with my parents. And it actually wasn't bad. lol. The tree is pretty and I will try to get a picture of it up soon.

On Friday, Cassy graduated undergrad. Since I was going, I thought maybe I would make some extra $$ and shoot it. I was nervous to do that because security could have been a bitch. It was a bit scary but I got through it with only the questioning of who I was once. I'm glad Scott is so nice to me and goes with me to these things. He really doesn't have to but he helps me out. :) I'll try to also get a couple photos up of that soon.

Well, I'm gonna hang out with my uncle for a bit now, maybe watch a movie, and hopefully find some food. I hungry for once. :)

YAY!

I am finally done with this semester. Hopefully the next one goes better! So now that I am on break, I think I am going to....SLEEP! :)

A lot has happened since i have last posted. That's why I don't do blogs most of the time. I tend to forget about it or not want to take the time to do it and so it goes months without being updated.

I just took my psych final. I should be fine in the class. At this point, I would pretty much be happy with a C, ecstatic with a B. I think that test went pretty well. It was 24 multiple choice questions and 3 short essays. The essays were easy, as usual, so i think i should get all of the points for them. The multiple choice were easier than usual, and there were only a few i made educated guesses on. I ended up doing to multiple choice questions twice, just to be sure. I actually ended up changing some answers to the right answers according to Caitie. But yeah, I can't wait to get see what I got on that test and what my grade will end up being after the curve that Dr. Brown puts on it. :)

I have two more tests left: Human Geography and World Civ II. We'll see how those go but I'm not holding my breath on them. I also have to finish my Black American Culture final essay test that is due tomorrow. I have about 2/5 pages done, so I need to finish that today.
BUT THE SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER!!! :)

Yay classes!

I FINALLY got back my papers from my Obama class that I handed in about a month ago. I got all of the points for the essay test and an 18/20 on the cultural interview presentation and paper. Which puts me at a 95 in that class. I'm psyched. As much as the class sucks to go to, its an easy class.
I didn't do as well as I hoped for on my last psych test. Still, it was the best that I had done on any of the tests in that class. Sadly, my grade is still only a 63 in there. But I have hope! We have 1? or 2? more tests left in this class + 5 percent for attendance which I have no problem with and 5 percent for research participation which I just did through internet surveys within an hr and a half. Also, If I need it, my professor said he could help me out with my grade if I need it, as long as I keep showing improvement. And he curves the grades at the end of the semester. I almost have hopes of passing this class with if not a B, then at least a C. Which at this point, I would be psyched for either of those.

But in other news, Allison and her roommate are coming tomorrow for a Concert! Cute is What We Aim For and Secondhand Serenade! I've been getting ready for SS all week, listening to their cd, which I love. Wonder if it would be bad to let them hang out in the crowd by the stage, getting squished by 12 yr olds, and me just hang out in the back. I hated being up there at the last concert. It was to tight and people were touching me. UGH. I might do that actually. Esp. since Allison will have her roommate with her. Something to think about....
P.S. Sooooo Sad that I can't go to hockey tomorrow! And it WOULD be Michigan State! :(

Concert

Tonight, Allison and I went to the Metro Station concert. Their opening bands were Cash Cash, A White Tie Affair, and Tyga. The first two were pretty good and the boys were pretty. The second....was a rapper. We didn't know this. And it basically enforced our not listening to rap. I felt like I was on MTV. I never thought I would go to rap concert and then I inadvertently did. It was highly entertaining though. He did an Obama song with a dude walking around with an Obama mask on because he was excited that he voted for the first time. It was hilarious. Loved it.

Metro Station was very....boy bandish. They weren't very good. At all really. They were okay. I definitely don't dig them though. The concert in general was very high school. I felt old. A 19-year-old should not feel old. The concert basically consisted of emo kids and kids who were so young that their parents took them to it. I never thought I would be excited for a concert to be over but I was. Walking out, just outside the door, Metro Station actually walked right past us. I could have jumped them. That is, If I were actually attracted to them. But yeah, I don't think this concert was worth the money, even though it was only $16.

I was pissed though! Hockey seems like it was a good game tonight and we won! There was even a good fight that I missed! :( Better be a fight next week, that's all I have to say!

Hockey!

Last night was the first hockey game in two weeks. It was exciting. The basically sucked and we lost. But the turnout for the game was amazing. The student section was pretty much full. It was one of those times when I really appreciated being at UNO because the school spirit was so strong. The bullpen and the red army cheers were so loud it was all I could here and when people got excited, I basically just sat back and watched people. It's fun to see people get into things like that and really come together as a school. It was fun.

After the game, we went to Old Chicago as usual and then Cassy and I came back to my apartment and she dyed my hair. I'm pretty excited about it. It's a natural looking reddish brown. Quite a bit darker, I think, but I really like it.

No hockey for me tonight. :( But I am going to a concert with Allison tonight instead. It's Metrostation. We'll see how that goes. Should be fun though, even I don't love the band.

Random Thought

It's a lot easier to keep yourself guarded than letting people get close to you. Letting people in sets you up for getting hurt.

My New Blog!

My sister has mentioned to me that I should get a blog. I don't like to write, but figured it would be a good way to update people on my life and get my thoughts out at the same time. So here it is.